• Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

• Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

• The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

• An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

• Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
  Answer - So the English can understand them.

• Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
  "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

• Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
  Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

Labels: St. Patrick's day Irish Jokes